In all honesty I would LOVE to blame the birth of my son for the 30 pounds I want to lose, but that would not be entirely true. In fact, it is not true at all! Let me back it up…I have been thick (borderline, fat) for most of my pre-teen and adult life. However, my cute chubby face and funny personality got me by. That is until I started college.
In college I realized that my personality was not necessarily going to take me where I thought I wanted to go. And so at the beginning of my Senior year I was introduced to the Atkins Diet and I lost a lot of weight (maybe 20-30 pounds)…I am not exactly sure how much because I never weighed myself but my clothes were baggy, I began receiving stares from the opposite sex and I felt amazing! After graduation I wanted to keep up the admiration from everyone so I began running (it was an obsession) and continued to cut carbs…I lost even more weight and I felt great. But I must admit this was my darkest time. I was in a horrible “relationship”, I did not like what I saw in the mirror and I was depressed. It was bad! But I kept getting compliments from everyone, so I kept it up.
Fast-forward to my 25th birthday where I met my now husband and fell in love! *swoon* But with love came weight
I stopped running because I wanted to lie by his side for hours on end (I know, I know this was not healthy but it is what it is) and do what ever he wanted to do. My husband is a big guy who loves food and to show my love for him I began to eat, like a lot and I stopped running and the weight began to pile on. About two years into our relationship I became pregnant and I went on an eating spree…I mean I was pregnant for crying out loud. Until one day I looked in the mirror and I looked about six months pregnant and my son was about to turn three…I realized I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Not only was it bad for my skin, energy and self image, I was not being the best mom or fiancé I could be.
Another fast-forward and my wedding day was near… I began running like a maniac, cut out all carbs and I looked amazing on my wedding day! Three months of hard work and dedication paid off but once my wedding was over so was my motivation.
I began to eat and drink and I put back on all the weight I had lost! I was miserable, completely miserable. I did not like what I saw in the mirror and more importantly I was over the depression and negative self-talk I was doing!
I was over trying to get fit for events: weddings, summer, birthdays, dinner, etc. I decided I wanted to be healthy and mentally sound, so I made a pact with myself. I decided to sign up for a half-marathon. I mean the cost alone would ensure that I actually participated and the weekly training would aid in weight loss. I also decided to move away from the scale…those freaking numbers piss me off and they fluctuate from day to day. And seeing as how I used to base my daily self worth off of the number I saw on the scale I decided to let it go. Let go of the guilt & shame!
I decided to make the best of each day, give my best to myself each day and by doing that life would become a bit better. Sticking to my half marathon-training schedule, eating good food, food which fuels my body, gives me energy and is good for me is my new “diet”.
In addition to the half marathon in September I also have a group run planned for August, October, and another half marathon in November. And to be completely honest I have a run planned for each month from January 2014 until June 2014.
What is different now is also a mental shift. Before I craved attention from others, now those cravings are gone, I no longer crave that outward validation. I am not just my body. I will not determine the success of the day by how many compliments I get on how I look. I will however decide to be healthy, both mentally and physically. I will look at myself in the mirror after each run and congratulate instead of criticize.
This is now an inside job and it feels amazing!